There are three types of movies: the good (the ones we love), the bad (the ones we love to hate), and the ugly (the ones we can’t even watch and would finish all of our power notes before we even start to consider watching them).
Batman and Robin, Death to Smoochy, Labyrinth. These movies possess plots so bad we completely forget about them until someone mentions them. They’re old, outdated, creepy and just down-right unwatchable. Society outcast these select few into a proverbial garbage bin, hoping to rid our movie shelves of these abominations. In fact, their level of unsophistication leaves these movies out of the abominations category and poses them as mistakes that producers should learn a good lesson or two from.
But that’s just wishful thinking. We still see bad movies coming out left and right: “The Expendables”, “Clash of the Titans”, “The Human Centipede”. They create a whole new level of bad. Some so bad they’re scarring. But the scariest thing includes the fact that they received the big “okay” to create sequels. That’s right. A second “Human Centipede” plagues the nation.
So in honor of the ghoulish season, we present to you the five best of the worst Halloween movies to scream to, or rather laugh at because they’re so bad.
“The Undertaker and His Pals” Three friends just killing some people to improve business. This late 1960’s movie might be the most comedic “horror” movie ever created featuring hot girls, crazy guys and some good ol’ home cooking. You will never look at chicken, lamb or undertakers ever the same.
“Zardoz” Sean Connery, what did you smoke that made you agree to making this movie where you wear ammo as a fashion statement and flowers form impassable barriers? The sole and only reason this movie ranks so high on this list is because the plot liquefies your brain. If you’re willing to take a trip to a far-far land governed by a giant floating stone head that spews NRA rhetoric, then grab your guns and put this movie in yourDVD player.
“Gamera: Attack of the Legion” (the Texarkana dub version) Producers searched every nook and cranny to find the select redneck “talents” who voice over this already horrible movie. Featuring the timeless tale of a giant fighting turtle, Gamera, this movie attempted (and failed) to recreate the glory of Godzilla. But if you want to watch a good “scary” laugh, this movie definitely fits the description.
“Return of the Living Dead Series” Talking zombies, mindless plot, and a part II andIII that shatter preconceived notions of just how bad sequels can be. Get ready to run to the bathroom not because you feel sick from all the bloody gore, but because the massive amount of laughter coming out of your mouth causes your bladder to nearly burst. In fact, you’ll be laughing so much you’ll be agreeing with the zombie screaming, “Send more paramedics!”
“Rubber” A possessed tire rolls around town, terrorizing the poor people of an old-as-dust city (of course, the favorite place for producers to wreak havoc on the poor innocent people). Taking the lives by using its psychic powers to blow people’s heads up, this story holds only one lesson to learn from. Remember to recycle, kids!